The Shadows of Old Ghosts
by 7dragons7
Summary: If you are all I have left...I would do anything to keep you alive. Deluded thoughts like protecting me...release such notions...You'll only disappear before my eyes if I let you any closer. -AyaxHyuu- -mentions of Yukikaze- -yaoi-


"Aya-tan looks so handsome today," Hyuuga reached out, running gloved fingers along the brass buttons of his superiors jacket. As the dark haired man expected his hand was batted away.

"You always have such grabby hands when it comes to Ayanami-sama," yawned Kuroyuri. "Keep your hands to yourself, or you'll lose them." Haruse simply nodded at her words.

Hyuuga simply smiled, placing his hands behind his head, sucking on his candy apple.

They were standing together, in similar to their normal military outfits, yet different this evening. Nicer uniforms. This was a dinner ceremony that they were all required to attend. The Blackhawks stood in a bit more decorated uniforms. Shining golds and dark silky blacks. Lighter uniforms made especially for occasions like this.

However, they couldn't look border. Konatsu had a clipboard and was signing off on several forms. Taking his work with him, the loyal worker he always was. Katsuragi reading his usual book. Kuroyuri leaning against Haruse, who carried his usual look of indifference. And Ayanami, his arms folded over his chest, brooding as always.

Hyuuga sighed. Bored as well. Though. Dark blue eyes hidden by black lenses glanced over at his boss. Aya-tan looked so good all dressed up. Despite the constant scowl on his face. He grinned once more, stepping in front of his superior once more. Violet eyes starred at him. They were distant and cold, like always. He carefully reached out and brushed away the silver bangs that hung in his bosses eyes.

A risky move. In the presence of the Blackhawks he'd be at the mercy of Aya-tan's whip. Here in the company of most of the military, his boss' reaction would be interesting.

Violet, gray, blue and brown eyes watched the major carefully. Everyone holding their breath to see what punishment would befall the man this time. In this setting, what would Ayanami do?

A cry from the major was heard seconds later, as he stepped back holding his mouth. Ayanami holding out the candy apple that he had ripped from Hyuuga's mouth. His face just as expressionless as it was when Hyuuga has stepped up to him.

"Aya-tan! Why are you always so mean to me!"

"Hyuuga-san.." Konatsu said with a sigh..

Kuroyuri laughed at the misfortune of her comrade.

"Konatsu! He may have chipped my tooth! Look! Look!"

"Hyuuga-san, I don't want to look,"

"K-konatasu is mean to me too!"

Katsuragi's gray eyes continued to scan the pages of his book, but he was smiling slightly at the usual antics of his co-workers.

Ayanami stayed emotionless, tossing the treat into a near by trash can, grabbing a glass of wine, that was offered to him by one of the waitresses. He sipped it carefully, waiting for the dining room halls to open so he could at least sit. He despised these social dinners.

Eventually, things were allowed to move forward. Dinner happened. The many speeches from the higher ups. At some point in the evening, Kuroyuri fell asleep, and she was in the arms of Haruse for the rest of the night.

Aside from the sheer dullness of it all, there was another reason that he hated these foul parties…

"Ayanami-san, about a Beigleiter…"

"You should really get a Beigleiter, Ayanami-san,"

"Have you met my son? He'd be a great Beigleiter for you,"

"Have you looked through the new recruits? There is sure to be a perfect Begiletier for you,"

He could only smile politely at all of them. Saying he'd consider it. He'd think about it. He'd look it over…. It was a subject that they never stopped talking about.

They never would…

The Chief of Staff stepped out onto the balcony. His boots made the soft snow under him crunch slightly. The cold winter air bit at his skin. And he welcomed the slight stings of pain. His gloved hands gripped the railing tightly. Why. Why did they insist of brining up a Beigleiter? He couldn't go to a simple dinner party…he couldn't walk down the halls…

The cold wind whipped at him mercilessly. He looked over the railing. The ground so far away, he couldn't even see it. The hawkziles zooming below though. He could hear their angry screeches.

Yukikaze…

Eve…

The missing fragments of his soul….

He took a step. Using the wall to push himself up, getting a better look at the unseen ground.

These fancy uniforms weren't made for winter. He was cold. His body shivering slightly. His gloves soaked through from the snow on the railing. His slender fingers numb, frozen.

Violet eyes looked over the edge, to fall from such a height… it was at that thought, his boot slipped on the icy barrier he was leaning over. He felt his heart stop, he was going to fall… Violet eyes filled with a fear and terror that they had never known.

He felt someone grab him, pulling him back. The back of his jacket was yanked and he was pulled back onto the balcony. His head was a mess. His feet stumbled on the ground. His hat had been lost at some point in all of this. His back his the wall hard. By his own doing? No. Violet eyes focused at last. He finally remembered to take a breath. A shuddery one past his lips. Fallowed by, smaller pants as he looked at the face of his savior.

A very angry face.

"You son of a bitch." Hyuuga slammed his boss into the wall again. His blue eyes filled with malice. Anger. And disappointment. "I swear to god…. If you were trying to jump off, I'll…" He gripped Ayanami's jacket tighter slamming the man into the wall again. "I'll…" He didn't know… he was furious. Furious. He took a deep breath. "Is this about Yukikaze? Is it still about him?" Hyuuga yelled. "I can't… I can't let this continue. I've watched you slowly fall apart since his death. He's gone! Gone! And he's never coming back! But do the people here not matter enough? You're going to throw yourself off a damn building! I can't say this enough to you! Stop chasing ghosts. People here love you," He slammed Ayanami into the wall again. "I love you. And if I have to break your damn legs to stop you from doing something so stupid as jumping off a building. I'll tie you up and lock you away. Anything to keep you alive and until you realize that you mean everything to some of us here. I tell you every chance I get, that I'll protect you. I'll even protect you from yourself…"

The dark haired man took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He looked at his superior, the man shaking slightly under him.

"I..wasn't trying to jump.." Aya-tan's voice..soft. Struggling to get words out. "I simply slipped…" Violet eyes looked…empty. Almost sad.

Hyuuga frowned, he let go of Ayanami's jacket, moving his hands to cup the Chief of Staff's pale face. The skin felt like ice even through his gloves. "Let's go inside.." Without another word, he grabbed his boss by the arm, and pulled him inside the much warmer dining hall. He weaved in and out of people, ignoring all who made an effort to speak to the Chief of Staff. He continued to pull the man away from all of them. And thankfully the man made no effort to stop him.

Through the halls. Never stopping or slowing down till they reached Aya-tan's quarters. He yanked his superior into the room, pushing the man to sit on the bed, pulling off the soaked white gloves. And tossing them aide. Hyuuga removed his own as well. He rubbed Ayanami's frozen hands between his own. Trying to warm them. Blue eyes, hidden between the dark shades, kept focused on his task.

With a sigh Hyuuga finished. He held the hands tightly, looking up at Ayanami at last. Violet eyes dull.

"Aya-tan.."

"I'm not chasing old ghosts…Yukikaze… I've put him behind me…"

"Liar. The very word Beigleiter makes you withdraw from the world. I watched you tonight… everyone pushing a Beigleiter onto you. Then you went outside…. And I thought.." Hyuuga gripped Ayanami's hands tightly. "I don't want to lose you. Aya-tan..my world revolves around you. My blade kills for you. You alone." the major sighed. He rested his head in the silver haired man's lap. Pressing the pale hand to his lips. "I love you Aya-tan."

"Hyuuga…"

Hyuuga looked up, pushing Ayanami on his back, carefully climbing on to his superior. "I can't watch you slip away anymore. Falling deeper into shadows, someday, I wont be able to reach you anymore. I wont let that happen. I'll do whatever it takes." Sapphire eyes locked onto amethyst colored ones.

Hyuuga's fingers wrapped into Ayanami's coat again. Hyuuga's serious expression quickly turned into a pained one. "What was it? What was it that Yukikaze did that I can't? Why? Why can't I be that special to you? Why can't…. why can't…I at least be good enough to take silver… would you rather suffer alone..then have me?"

Ayanami, gripped the front of Hyuuga's coat, pulling the man to him. Hyuuga's breathing was ragged, fighting with emotions. Anger and rejection, and just plain sadness. He gripped Aya-tan tightly. One of his hands moving into the silver hair, pulling on it gently, as he buried his face in his boss' neck.

"Why?" Hyuuga asked again. Softer this time. At last noticing that Aya-tan had wrapped his arms around him.

"It's because you are so precious… that I can't let you in…" Ayanami responded. "Not with that deluded mind set of protecting me no matter what. You'll die right before my eyes…just like…Yukikaze. If I lose you. It's over for me. You're all I have left."

Hyuuga sat back up, shaking his head. "I wont die. Not on you. If that's all that is holding you back… toss aside those fears. If you remain this distant king on the far of throne… you'll become lost in the darkness you surround yourself with. You're already slipping. Drowning yourself in the endless work. Starting at four in the morning…going to your quarters at one in the morning…. You're slowly trying to kill yourself. Let me in. Let me help…"

Blue and violet eyes were locked onto each other. "If I lose you.."

"You won't."

"Promise. Swear it. Anything…"

"Aya-tan," Hyuuga smiled sadly into those violet eyes. They needed someone. They needed someone so bad. And that was fine. Hyuuga needed Ayanami. He loved this man. He loved this man with all that he was. How it hurt him inside and out to watch Yukikaze and Ayanami. But. Ayanami had been happy with Yukikaze…. And that's what mattered. But. If Yukikaze ever hurt Aya-tan… he'd destroy the man…

He never got that chance. Because Yukikaze was killed and his death destroyed his Aya-tan's world. It broke the man. Shattering his very being. Leaving only a shell. How Hyuuga hated Yukikaze…

"Aya-tan…" he took the pale hands in his own, pressing his lips against the cold hands. "I'll carve the words into my flesh if I must. I'll tell you everyday. Write it down and leave it on your desk. Whatever it takes for you to believe… That I, will always protect you, and I will never leave you. Nothing. No Ghost or God, will keep me from you. Hyuuga will always protect Ayanami."

The Major smiled as he watched violet eyes slowly soften. From ice to warm pools of the amethyst.

"I will hold you to those words, to the end of your days, Hyuuga."

"Please do." The taller man leaned down and captured his Aya-tan's lips. Soft, light kisses at first. Testing. His heart warming at Ayanami's lips kissing his own back. Faster it became. Teeth nipping at each others lips. Hungry for each other. The kisses became harder, bruising force. Hyuuga won their battle, Ayanami at last parting his lips for the other. Hyuuga took pride in his victory. Aya-tan's inexperience was clear. And that fact plain and simply pleased the major. Aya-tan was mostly untouched then. He liked that thought.

Their tongues battled, Ayanami moaning wantonly in their kiss. Gripping Hyuuga's uniform tightly. Hyuuga could only grin more as he broke their kiss. A pink flush was gracing his superiors, cheeks. His lips bruised. "Aya-tan looks beautiful,"

His words did the trick as the pale pink turned darker. "Hyuuga…"

The major laughed. "It's true..your silver hair spread out like that… that face… you look like a being not meant for this world…" he smiled sadly. "It's because you're not,"

The blush darkened slightly. "Hyuuga.."

The dark haired man, cupped the pink tinted cheek. "Wherever you go..at least take me with you…"

"I couldn't fathom leaving you behind. You'll always be by my side. You don't get to leave."

Hyuuga beamed at his boss. "That's just the answer I wanted to hear," He sighed contently, still on top of Aya-tan. "You really weren't going to jump?"

Violet eyes narrowed. "No. But you started yelling before I could explain myself." the silver haired man huffed.

Hyuuga pushed his glasses up. "I just know what it looked like. And nothing made me angrier that you would do that to yourself…" Hyuuga leaned down, pressing his lips against, Ayanami's. "Don't shoulder all your pain by yourself. Share it with me..please" he whispered softly against the cool lips in front of him.

"I'll see what I can do.."

Hyuuga bit roughly at his Aya-tan's lips. "Always so troublesome.." He sighed, sliding off his boss and onto the bed, curling up beside his Aya-tan. He looked up for a moment blue eyes pondering something. "Does being the dearest thing in your heart mean I don't have to do paperwork anymore?"

"No."

Hyuuga pouted. "You didn't even have to think…" he placed his hand on Ayanami's chest. "I suppose I can still love you anyway…"

"Your not safe from the whip either," Ayanami said sleepily.

"Such…a cruel and troublesome boss," The major grumbled. He nuzzled into his Aya-tan all the same.


End file.
